I have problems with my husband. His behavior is inappropriate in many areas, so I point it out. We got married in order not to keep everything inside and obviously to help one another improve. But I point it out in a non-insulting way.
When we were first married, I did say it in an insulting way, and he called me a witch and he was kind of right. I then learned not to point it out in front of other people, even if he said something stupid or acted in an inappropriate matter. I also learned not to say anything when I am angry. I noticed that when I did this, I did not speak about what happened. I was frustrated and just tried to prove I was correct. I now wait until I calm down. And before I say anything, I make it clear to myself that the goal is to build a shared life together.
I also try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Many times I scolded him only to find out that I did not see the whole picture. I now try to see if I can understand the situation in a different way, perhaps I am taking things out of context. Only if I am unable to give him the benefit of the doubt do I say anything – gently.
When we were first married, I did say it in an insulting way, and he called me a witch and he was kind of right. I then learned not to point it out in front of other people, even if he said something stupid or acted in an inappropriate matter. I also learned not to say anything when I am angry. I noticed that when I did this, I did not speak about what happened. I was frustrated and just tried to prove I was correct. I now wait until I calm down. And before I say anything, I make it clear to myself that the goal is to build a shared life together.
I also try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Many times I scolded him only to find out that I did not see the whole picture. I now try to see if I can understand the situation in a different way, perhaps I am taking things out of context. Only if I am unable to give him the benefit of the doubt do I say anything – gently.
Torat HaRav Aviner: I Do Not Insult
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