Q: I heard that Hashem decides who one will marry. Why then should I worry? I will marry the first woman who agrees to marry me. After all, it is impossible that this would go against Hashem's will.
A: It is correct that Hashem decided before you were born who you will marry, and she is the right woman for you and you are the right woman for her. This is a wonderful Divine gift, but it is possible to lose the gift, just as Adam and Chava lost the Garden of Eden on account of their sin. A person receives an amazing body but he can destroy it with improper behavior. The Book of Mishlei (19:14) says: "But an understanding wife is from Hashem," but the Zohar (Vayechi 229, 1) says that a man's behavior can cause him to lose it. For example, a man can lose a woman with sterling character traits on account of his stupidity in searching for a beautiful woman. He forgets: "Grace is deceptive, and beauty is vain" (Mishlei 31:30). She certainly needs to be pleasant in his eyes, but the essence is not to forget: Never judge a book by its cover…
A: It is correct that Hashem decided before you were born who you will marry, and she is the right woman for you and you are the right woman for her. This is a wonderful Divine gift, but it is possible to lose the gift, just as Adam and Chava lost the Garden of Eden on account of their sin. A person receives an amazing body but he can destroy it with improper behavior. The Book of Mishlei (19:14) says: "But an understanding wife is from Hashem," but the Zohar (Vayechi 229, 1) says that a man's behavior can cause him to lose it. For example, a man can lose a woman with sterling character traits on account of his stupidity in searching for a beautiful woman. He forgets: "Grace is deceptive, and beauty is vain" (Mishlei 31:30). She certainly needs to be pleasant in his eyes, but the essence is not to forget: Never judge a book by its cover…
Torat HaRav Aviner: A Match in Heaven
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