Most of the arguments between husband and wife flow from not speaking nicely to one another. Communication is the essential glue between them. One should therefore taken great care in speaking to your spouse – without insults or sharp remarks. Speaking nicely can rectify many issues.
There are treatments for marital counseling in which the therapist does not speak with the couple, but has them sit facing one another and ensures that they speak nicely to one another. The couple then learns to speak nicely and this helps solve the issues.
This reminds us of the practice in the yeshiva of the Ramchal, Rav Moshe Chaim Luzzato: If one of the students mistakenly began to speak Lashon Ha-Ra, then another student, who was appointed to do so, would respectfully point it out to him, and he was obligated to stop even in mid-sentence.
If a couple acts properly, there is no need for a therapist or an appointed person. Each one should take care to speak nicely, and if one of them mistakenly does not, the other spouse can lovingly point it out.
There are treatments for marital counseling in which the therapist does not speak with the couple, but has them sit facing one another and ensures that they speak nicely to one another. The couple then learns to speak nicely and this helps solve the issues.
This reminds us of the practice in the yeshiva of the Ramchal, Rav Moshe Chaim Luzzato: If one of the students mistakenly began to speak Lashon Ha-Ra, then another student, who was appointed to do so, would respectfully point it out to him, and he was obligated to stop even in mid-sentence.
If a couple acts properly, there is no need for a therapist or an appointed person. Each one should take care to speak nicely, and if one of them mistakenly does not, the other spouse can lovingly point it out.
Originally posted by Torat HaRav Aviner
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